I am starting a two-part series on mentoring with passion/purpose. First of all, I want to thank the faithful reader who has been patient enough to send their question on mentoring with passion twice. (I accidentally lost it the first time.) That will be part two. This part on mentoring is a response to a question submitted by another long-time reader. I think these two subjects closely tie together, but mentoring logically comes first.
Q: The Art of Mentoring: Is it alive and flourishing? What are your thoughts on mentoring in the 21st Century (professionally and socially)?
A: Well, you have come to the right place. No, I am not breaking my arm patting myself on the back. But this has been a passion of mine, both professionally and personally, for many years. It is the reason that I have experienced whatever growth and success I have achieved.
Mentoring takes many forms. In different religious cultures they are called sages, spiritual fathers/mothers, Maharishi, etc. In 12-Step programs in Alcoholics Anonymous, it is called a sponsor. In personal or professional life, it might be a coach. In business, it is called a mentor.
The relationships between a mentor and mentoree vary greatly. The history of this type of relationship goes back several thousand years. In western culture, the first recorded history is in the Old Testament.
It is interesting that both Jews and American Indians have actual ceremonies when the young man turns 13 to officially anoint him as a man and set him on his "discovery" journey. In the Jewish culture, it is called a bar mitzvah. The boy comes out from under the protection of the mother and comes under the protection and guidance of the father. (By the way, if you are not of the two aforementioned cultures or another culture that does something similar, I would highly recommend a similar ceremony. It can be very powerful.) At age 13, at least in times past, the young man typically entered into his father's profession. Even Benjamin Franklin did this, though his older brother served as his surrogate "father"/mentor.
This model worked for thousands of years. Then 150 years or so ago, we shifted from an agricultural to a manufacturing society, and we lost one of the key components — the son working with the father. Now bounce forward to the 1960's and beyond. Two more dynamics occurred. Women started working outside the home and progressing through the professional ranks. We became a very mobile society. The last vestiges of the old model disappeared. (Please note that this is meant to be a historical perspective and not an editorial discussion.)
At that time, you saw "intentional" mentoring occurring in business. People were given mentors. Today, because of the change in the marketplace, that happens much less frequently. As I wrote in a piece a few weeks ago, now you need to find your own mentors. That is neither good nor bad. It just is.
So in answer to the original question, yes, mentoring is alive and flourishing. I believe it is just as important that people do it today as it ever has. A great example of modern mentoring is in the .com era. There were many success stories of 20- and 30-somethings having great new business ideas, starting a company, and getting funding. (In some cases, the funding was provided before the company was founded.) But there were only one or two Bill Gateses. Most of them didn't have a clue as to how to run a business. Should we be surprised? No, they hadn't received any training. I would contend that Steve Jobs is 10 times more effective today as a businessman than when he and Wozniak founded Apple.
So what are some of the mentoring necessities I see?
I mentioned the first necessity already. That is, having to find your own mentor(s) instead of having one assigned to you. I have already given an example in business. Another example is the 12-Step programs. In the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous, a sponsor was assigned to you without any choice or question. You did what they told you, even if it was to sell kerosene lanterns on a corner. Today, most of the time, a new person seeks out a sponsor.
People are seeking mentors in all walks of life, professional, personal, and spiritual. Much of the time, the latter two are the same person.
I believe that in business, because of the short term nature of employment, people will have mentors that rely on what they emulated early in their careers and have kept.
You can outgrow a mentor or lose one to death, for example. If this happens, it means you will have more than one mentor in your life.
Two good sayings to consider when thinking about a mentor are, "When the pupil is ready, the student will appear," and "Find someone who has what you want."
I personally find it necessary to have a male mentor from my parent's generation, especially for a personal and spiritual perspective. My father was a mentor to me in many ways but has since passed on. My first two mentors of the prior generation have also passed away. I currently have another gentlemen who is 77. He is not my primary mentor, but his years of experience are invaluable to me.
On a personal level, you should have at least one or two mentors who know everything about you. You are only as sick as your sickest secret. On a business level, however, I don't know that it is necessary to tell mentors that you were a child kleptomaniac.
A mentor should not judge you but guide you. The best mentors don't necessarily give you your answers but help you to find them.
Finally to be a truly effective mentor, you have to have been mentored yourself.
About the Author
Bill Gaffney has 16 years of experience as an executive recruiter and as a career coach. He can be reached at 937-567-5267 or wmgaffney@prodigy.net or . For questions to be considered for this column, please email askamaxa@yahoo.com. And remember that no one can do it all, except maybe Tiger.
